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  • 22 Aug 2014

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Mark & Dave: Will naked gardening be next fad to take root?

A fad that can wait, as far as we’re concerned: naked gardening. It’s the rage in Britain and parts of Europe. Now how did that not originate in Portland? Probably because it would only be legal if you did it with a thousand other people.

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The list of America’s most chivalrous cities is out and Portland didn’t make the cut. Seattle did, at No. 7. Dallas was first. (All that Southern charm?) It’s understandable why Portland didn’t fare well. It’s hard to treat a woman properly when she has to ride on your handlebars.

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Another reason we love living in Portland: swarms of grasshoppers that descended on Albuquerque were so large they showed up on weather radar. That’s almost biblical in nature. Closest thing around here would be a flock of naked bike riders — but then nobody wants to see that. Then, in Texas, an entire family was attacked by a swarm of bees. Of course, they should have known it would happen — they live in Beeville. That’s why you moved to Beaverton.

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Guess who’s packing heat? The number of Washington State residents who sport a concealed-carry permit has grown exponentially, tripling from 2005 to 2012. Women account for more than twice the number of permits issued to men. Here’s a reminder to everyone in the Evergreen state, no means no!

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Now we’ve heard it all. Dog poo forced a plane flying from Los Angeles to Philadelphia to make an unscheduled stop in Kansas City. An eyewitness on the plane told us it was a behemoth service dog that decided to go postal right there in the aisle. Not once, but twice. How bad was it? Well, according to our eyewitness, the passenger sickness bags deployed and the chain reaction took over the rest of the travelers. Everyone escaped to the front of the plane and nervous passengers wondered if the plane could land being so top-heavy. It did. And the offending animal and smell were quickly erased. For once it wasn’t the guy sitting next to you.

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Gas jockeys across Oregon are nervous. New research says young Oregonians like the idea of self-service gas stations. When their generation can gather the votes, expect changes at the pumps. Note to Generation Z: Shouldn’t you be driving something other than your parent’s car before you decide these things?

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Commissioner Steve Novick is floating the idea of a Portland sales tax — you know what else floats, don’t you? This was just after the mayor’s office considered a Late Night Activity Permit for businesses open after 10 p.m. It was mercifully squashed. Hey, just because the city is run by people who go to bed by 9 p.m. doesn’t mean the rest of us have to tuck in by 9:30 p.m.

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Multnomah County officials finally have a plan for the Wapato jail. Sell it. That’s right, after sitting unused for a decade, the county wants to off-load the property. Here’s an idea: Keep and use the jail to house every lawmaker and ballot initiative petitioner who crams another bad idea down the voters’ throats.

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More people die in hurricanes with female names than male names. The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences tells us gender biases are most likely to blame. Female-named storms are three times more deadly than male-named storms, suggesting when a storm is given a female name, inhabitants don’t take the warnings seriously. We’re guessing those people weren’t married.

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Nothing to be proud of, TomTom GPS users say Portland has the ninth-worst traffic in America. We don’t personally know any TomTom users, but we’d love to know what shortcut they’re using to get around town.

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A bill in the California Legislature would require college students to get written consent before having sex. Boy, if you thought using condoms killed the mood, just wait until you start drawing up the paperwork.

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The police chief in Spokane has spoken: No more on-duty sex. Apparently, it was a problem there. The new memo from the boss puts an end to that. So now when you get pulled over at least you know it’s for speeding.

Listen to Mark and Dave 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM.

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