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Mark & Dave: After poop stings, we can sell air to China

Neighbors, students and staff have had enough. So, with fair warning, Multnomah County Animal Services announced they will conduct poop stings at Beach School, da Vinci Arts Middle School, and Duniway Elementary because certain dog owners are not picking up after Fido’s business. That’s a $150 fine if you are caught. Yet the people who misuse the Leonard Loo walk free.

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The French enjoy a 35-hour work week, five-plus weeks of paid vacation, and now, thanks to an agreement with unions and employers, no work emails after 6 p.m. In America, we call that the teachers union.

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A Chinese businessman returned to Beijing with a message in a bottle. Well, actually, a jar of fresh air he collected in France. He sold the jar at auction for $860 and hopes it sends a message about the poor air quality in China. Here’s our chance, we bottle up fresh Oregon air and export it to China — clearly there is demand. And as long as we stay well north of Albany and far south of Camas, we can’t be beat on quality.

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The deadline has come and gone for filing taxes, with Oregon’s Department of Revenue overwhelmed by almost a half-million procrastinating filers. Most taxpayers chose to file online, which is good news if you are late to the party and haven’t filed yet. You can claim that Oregon’s website didn’t work for you. What jury of your peers is going to convict you on that one?

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TripAdvisor ranked Portland the 15th most popular U.S. city to visit in 2014. If you’re a tourist, it must be because you can’t see the homeless and panhandlers in your own home town.

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A Philadelphia brewery is giving Portland microbrews a run for their money. Dock Street Brewing’s latest creation is a beer fermented with genuine smoked goat brains. We see it as the only beer that makes you smarter if you drink it ... or don’t drink it.

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What to do with all that Columbia River Crossing money that won’t be spent on the CRC? ODOT would like to get their mitts on it for a medley of smaller projects around the state. Maybe they could start by paying us back for all those wasted CRC studies?

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In Oregon, big public projects are required to include a little art — you know, dress up the area. But the Portland-Milwaukie light-rail line has us scratching our heads. In the name of artistic expression, they’ve placed more than 30 steel boats along the tracks. Some might see them as boats going upstream, some may think they are “Portlandia”-style planter boxes, we see them as sleeping quarters for the homeless and a big waste of money. Think about it, if they didn’t spend so much of their budget on “art,” maybe they could buy us a real boat?

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Saddened to see some Portland restaurants get rid of street parking out front in favor of tables? They’re being called “street seats,” and you can sit on the asphalt and enjoy your meal along with car exhaust just inches away. When did progress become using our streets for everything but cars? If you love eating on the street so much, why don’t you just pull up and eat in your car?

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We are concerned with the news that organic eggs are in short supply. Why are we worried? More backyard chickens will certainly be headed to your neighborhood. Your eggs will be plentiful if the chickens cooperate. And if they don’t, they’ll make a great pot pie.

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Somebody at a New York nursing home thought it was a good idea to hire male strippers to entertain the female residents — they said a committee of residents voted unanimously for the show. However, one son was upset when he saw pictures of his 85-year-old mother stuffing dollar bills in the waistband of one dancer. He is suing, saying his mother was forced to tip the stripper with her own money, which was supposed to be locked away. We’re not going to comment on the morals of the event, but everybody knows, the mom needed her cash — you can’t tip strippers with Werther’s and hard candies.

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A sewage treatment plant near Seattle is advertising its availability as a wedding venue. The Brightwater Wastewater Treatment Center offers full catering, audio-video service, a dance floor, and parking — all just steps away from where raw sewage is processed. They promise no odor — unless it’s a Kardashian wedding.

Listen to Mark and Dave 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM. Follow them at www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.