Featured Stories

Other Pamplin Media Group sites

Local Weather

Light Rain

58°F

Portland

Light Rain

Humidity: 90%

Wind: 9 mph

  • 20 Dec 2014

    Showers 55°F 53°F

  • 21 Dec 2014

    Showers 54°F 47°F


Mark and Dave: Next GOP raffle? A play, trip to Memphis

The Multnomah County Republican Party announced plans to raffle off an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle as a way to honor Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. And then, just to prove they were completely out of touch with the rest of Multnomah County, they referred to King as a great Republican (he wasn’t). We’re not sure whether “No Child Left Behind” is working, but we know one county where it appears it’s not.

•••

A Las Vegan (that’s a person from Las Vegas we’re talking about, not a Spanish vegan) claims he has killed the first bigfoot. Rick Dyer claims to have lured bigfoot with pork ribs. Mark and Dave plan to use the same bait to get an interview with Tonya Harding.

•••

Duck Dynasty returned for a fifth season, but ratings were off by almost one-third after Phil Robertson shared his backwoods views on homosexuality. How do they save it? It’s a pretty good bet the next Gay Pride Parade will feature Duck Dynasty look-alikes in leather chaps.

•••

Happy birthday to Michelle Obama. The First Lady has said she would not rule out Botox or plastic surgery and added, “Women should have the freedom to do whatever they need to do to feel good about themselves.” Dave’s take: Women are most beautiful when they age naturally. Mark’s take: Women should avoid plastic surgery to keep the bank account looking pretty.

•••

Washington Gov. Jay Inslee is calling for a $2.50 increase in the state’s minimum wage. He says too many families can’t support themselves on the current $9.35 an hour. Does every job have to support a family? Can’t we reserve some for high school kids?

•••

You think the TSA is not doing its job at the Portland airport? Security agents found 30 guns last year on passengers trying to board flights. Most were inside carry-on bags. Most of the gun owners said they simply forgot they had them in their bags. Really? You’re at an airport and you forget you have a gun? Being forced to take off your shoes, empty your pockets, and take off your belt wasn’t a good enough reminder? Bet they won’t forget again after a thorough “gloved-up” search.

•••

Beaverton Police are reminding pedestrians to wear bright-colored clothing and pay attention to traffic when attempting to cross the street. Sad that it’s come to that, but drivers are fed up with people trying to cross the street dressed like a ninja ... particularly at night. You may have the right of way but have to be alive to argue it.

•••

A new study suggests childless couples are happier than couples with kids. Impossible. Think of what they are missing — the joy of a baby in arms, playing with a toddler, back talk as adolescents, undisciplined teenagers, college students asking for money, adults that ignore you ... OK. We get it.

•••

Is this why China is challenging us for economic superiority? A Shanghai company rewarded its employee of the year with a porn star. That’s right, some hard-working staffer will get to spend the night with a porn star. That’s one you can’t regift. And think of the pressure that poor guy’s going to be under.

•••

What’s in a name? Boxer, Crapo, Foxx, Weiner, Fudge — just some of the peculiar names of congressional members in recent memory. So Tootie Smith should fit right in, should the Clackamas County commissioner succeed in her quest to unseat Rep. Kurt Schrader. BTW, one of Tootie’s fellow commissioners (and friend) is Martha Schrader, Kurt’s ex. If chairs could talk. ...

•••

Free advice no one asks us for: The Oregon GOP Senate candidates rolled out four joint forums this week. The first three (in GOP-friendly Bend, Baker City, Corvallis) were free. The fourth, in Portland, will have an admission fee. If you’re trying to spread the message in hopelessly Democratic Multnomah County, shouldn’t it have been the other way around? So much for getting the message out.

•••

Makes us feel old. Tell your kids that Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney will be performing at the Grammy Awards this Sunday, and odds are they’ll say, “Who?” But, they’ll still say, Paul is the cute one.

Listen to Mark & Dave from 3 to 6 p.m. weekdays on AM 860 KPAM radio. Visit them at http://www.facebook.com/themarkanddaveshow.