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Mark & Dave: Don't snirtle, Cover Oregon has us jargogled

Long live Oregonians. Cover Oregon officials testified last week that their besieged online registration system should be ready for customers by Dec. 16. Trouble is, that’s one day after the deadline to sign up for coverage. Everything is still a little fuzzy as the media were given electronic access to listen in on the hearings last week — of course, that didn’t work, either. We’re told you can get your paper forms in by Dec. 4. Their new name might be Run For Cover Oregon.

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A Vancouver man who fired three shotgun blasts into the air to scare off prowlers is fighting his arrest for illegally discharging a firearm. His defense? Vice President Joe Biden told him to do it. Sure enough, in that infamous video during the gun control debate, the Veep was right there saying “If there’s a problem ... get that double-barreled shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house.” All of a sudden we’re following our leaders’ advice to the letter? It probably won’t wash out in court, illegal is illegal, even in Delaware where the VP resides. But if we were on the jury ...

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By now you’ve heard that former Blazer Rasheed Wallace owes more than $150,000 in unpaid property taxes on his West Hills home. His wife sent an electronic payment for $35,000 last week, which the county couldn’t cash because it was written against an invalid account. Someone needs to tell Rasheed to just cut the check. We don’t know what the problem is, but trust it will one day come to the light.

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According to linguists there are words that are endangered and at risk of being lost from the English language forever. At the cusp of extinction are “snirtle” (to laugh with snorts), “fratchy” (argumentative) and “jargogle” (mix things up). Other more common words falling in popularity are revealing of society’s ills: “marriage,” “childhood,” “gentlemen,” “modesty,” “God” and “religion.” Our choice: “civility.” It has completely disappeared in Washington, D.C.

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The Swiss this week tried to do what no other country could or would — pass a referendum limiting executive pay to 12 times that of the lowest-paid employee. Just to put it into U.S. perspective, you would make more than the CEO of Walmart.

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In Utah, the tiny town of Wallsburg, population 275, forgot to schedule an election. Now the incumbents must serve until the next election in 2015 — we hear the mayor of Toronto is available to fill some of the slots.

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Speaking of embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, he says he’ll run for prime minister of Canada. This despite smoking crack in a drunken stupor, alleged video death threats, using filthy language during news conferences and bowling over a city councilwoman in the middle of a vote to strip him of his powers. All of a sudden Sam Adams is looking better every day.

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The cleaning crew of a Jet Airways plane found 24 gold bars, worth $1.1 million, hidden in the lavatory of the airplane after the flight landed in India. We wonder, how can someone get 24 kilograms of gold on a plane and we can’t take more than 3 ounces of shampoo on board?

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In Washington, a group of do-gooders placed an ad in the local paper, hoping to convince Boeing to build its new 777 plane in the Evergreen state. Only problem, the ad featured a picture of an Airbus A320. Oops. We’re still a little surprised the union voted against a new contract to secure the deal ... guess there are plenty of jobs up north.

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People magazine’s sexiest man alive is? Adam Levine of Maroon 5. Why is it guys like Levine, Channing Tatum and George Clooney always win it? We hear woman like nice guys with a good sense of humor. So, where are the Jimmy Kimmels on the list of sexiest men alive? Carrot Top? How come we’ve never seen a clown surrounded by hot models? It’s got to be rigged.

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A sequel to “It’s a Wonderful Life” is in the making. The story line involves George Bailey’s grandson and an angel who shows him how much better off the world would be had he never been born. Kind of a harsh twist but makes us think what life would be like if the Blazers hadn’t drafted Greg Oden.