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Mark & Dave: No In-N-Out? Boo! Now that's really scary

So we learned that Newark, N.J., Mayor and Senate candidate Cory Booker has been tweeting with a stripper from Oregon. How do you know she’s from Oregon? She works at a vegan strip club. Booker’s spokesperson says the mayor talks with people from all walks of life on Twitter. Vegan strippers? Can’t wait for those neon lights to pop up, “Free-range strippers” “Home of the organic pole dancer” Sometimes “Portlandia” just writes itself.

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A Beavers win on the road with San Diego last week was no surprise. Head football coach Mike Riley seems to have good luck when the Beavs play in towns that are home to In-N-Out Burger. We’d be motivated, too, if our reward was a double-double, animal style after every victory. To guarantee winning seasons we looked into a franchise for Corvallis but, alas, the 30-year-old owner of In-N-Out won’t license one this far from their distribution center in California. Otherwise, the Beavs would be Rose Bowl bound and we’d be rich!

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Maybe we’re looking at the wrong franchise: Vancouver has received 30 inquiries for the six possible marijuana franchises as the city prepares to implement Initiative 502 which legalized 1-ounce possessions for people 21 and older in Washington state. We can apply for a permit after June 30. Statewide, the number of pot shops will be capped at 334. Think Mike Riley would take his players to our shop if he won at Pullman? We know the Ducks would go. BTW, if we don’t get a franchise we’ll just invest in Doritos and 7-Eleven frozen burritos.

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Speaking of munchies: Too early to tell if Burger King’s “reduced fat” fries are a hit. After tasting them at the Tigard store, we’re guessing NOT. Who are they kidding? When we go for fast food we’re not looking for health food. That’s why we don’t grab dinner at the health club.

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There’s a naked haunted house in Pennsylvania. No, the ghosts and monsters aren’t naked. You are, along with all the other guests. It’s about dealing with your worst fears. Not sure which fear they are talking about — having others see you au natural, or seeing yourself naked. It’ll cost you $20 to find out, and you get your clothes back at the end of the attraction. The Peeping Tombs will be out in force. Now, if you had to be naked at a restaurant, you might not want to biggie size.

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A new nationwide survey tells us 70 percent of Americans feel incivility has reached crisis levels in this country. They blame the Internet and social media. We would suggest Congress try to fix this, but we think that is where the problem really started.

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A solution? According to a Rice University study, female politicians are less likely than their male counterparts to engage in corruption, and more likely to disapprove of it when they see it. We agree, women should run the world and we men should just carry their purse and remain quiet. It works for most marriages.

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Obama’s real poll numbers: Forbes says the net worth of their top 400 richest Americans is up $300 million from a year ago, with the list’s net worth the highest ever. Add to that, the IRS reports the One Percenters collected 19.3 percent of America’s household income in 2012, the largest share the past 100 years. So why shut this government down? They’re making you money.

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Enjoyed the Bend Oktoberfest this year. Great oompah music, costumes, contests. But it’s the only Oktoberfest we’ve been to that serves pizza and Thai food. How do you sing “Eins Zwei G’suffa” mowing down a slice of pepperoni?

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Mark wonders: How did California beat bicycle-obliging Oregon to the punch passing a law requiring a three-foot buffer zone for motorists passing bicyclists? Oregon’s law specifies a “safe distance,” which could mean inches in a tight spot. As a rider I feel bad for drivers when I have to swerve out to avoid a roadside hazard like a grate or broken glass, can’t expect them to react and keep that three-foot rule. But overall, I’d be happy for that more specific definition making it easier for all drivers, including myself, not having to guess what is safe and what is not. As someone who was recently brushed by a side mirror, I’m convinced some people think it’s a game to see how close they can get without hitting a rider, and that’s sad.

Dave wonders: Why do so many Portlanders ride their bikes with all the proper lights, perfect shorts, a helmet ... and still smoke?

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