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Mark & Dave: You can really work up a sweat being a school superintendent

Last week we learned that the superintendent of Vancouver Public Schools has a $4,000 shower installed in his office. Superintendent Steve Webb says it saves time when he needs to clean up before evening meetings. So what is a schools superintendent doing during business hours that he needs a shower before he leaves the office? Why not do what the kids do — throw on a hoodie and a little spritz of Axe body spray?

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To anyone thinking the naval shipyard shooting in Washington, D.C., a week ago will prompt some kind of gun control legislation, think again. Look to Colorado, home of the Aurora mass shooting, where some of the strictest new gun control laws recently were passed. Two of the Democratic lawmakers who supported those laws were recalled. Game. Set. Match. Maybe those bulletproof backpacks aren’t so pointless after all.

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The head of Starbucks is asking customers to leave their guns at home. We want to know: Who thought it was a good idea to let people get jacked up on caffeine with a loaded Glock in their pants?

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Up in Washington, we learn state legislators are constitutionally protected from receiving traffic tickets when the Legislature is in session. Washington State Patrol confirms the policy. The logic? Handing out speeding tickets to lawmakers might delay them from getting to the Capitol to vote. In Oregon, the Legislature will meet in special session to raise taxes and cut PERS. Wonder if we can use barricades to keep them from getting to Salem.

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With the Trail Blazers just weeks away from a new season, it’s worth noting the one and only person still on the payroll since the team’s 1970 inception: None other than Bill Schonely. Celebrate the fact that he’s just re-upped for three years as the team’s ambassador. A Blazers, no, a Portland treasure, for sure.

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For the first time in 32 years, Butterball is looking to break the female monopoly and hire a man for their turkey hot line this Thanksgiving. Finally men are trusted to tell anxious cooks to “wait for the red button to pop up.” Butterball reports 25 percent of callers to the hot line are men, no doubt showing off their kitchen prowess. We suspect it’s just guys looking for a girl to talk to ... for free.

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Dennis Rosenlof of Salt Lake City has eaten an average of 10 Big Macs a week for the last 30 years. He says he’s consumed more than 12,000 burgers and doesn’t have high cholesterol. We’re guessing he doesn’t have a girlfriend, either.

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Newberg’s 99W Drive-In movie theater won’t be closing anytime soon since they won a contest that will provide them with a new state-of-the-art digital movie projector. Technology marches on and 35mm prints will no longer be available for the nonconverts. So those long lines on Highway 99W on Friday and Saturday nights will continue. Good thing, because there are only four drive-ins that call Oregon home. Can you name where they are? Answer at end of column.

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Here we go again: The words “death panel” are being floated again attacking the Affordable Health Care Act (Obamacare). Really, death panels are already here, have been for years. They’re called insurance pre-approvals.

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Tigard-Tualatin schools are delaying a new grading system that will solely reflect the mastery of academic skills. So late homework and behavioral issues will not keep a student from receiving an A. Makes us wonder if anyone will be held accountable anymore. And what kind of people will we be introducing to employers when we aren’t asking them to be held accountable for doing the work on time and to behave properly. In one form or another, testing and standards likely happen in your workplace all the time, we are all held accountable. Maybe seclusion rooms aren’t such a bad idea after all ... for taxpayers.

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Who did they have to bribe to get on this list? Travel & Leisure magazine published its list of the 22 most dangerous bridges in America. Sorry Vancouver, I-5 southbound across the Columbia River made the list at No. 15. Think about that the next time you’re heading into Portland from the Couv. Oh, you’ve got company, No. 16 on the most dangerous bridges list: I-5 northbound across the Columbia. But that’s not the most dangerous in Oregon. No, that goes to the Ferry Street Bridge in Eugene at No. 10, susceptible to partial or total collapse should any one of its components fail. From now on we’re taking Franklin Avenue to the Ducks games.

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Answers: Oregon Drive-in theaters still operating: Newberg, Milton-Freewater, La Grande and Dallas.