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Keeping resolutions is difficult work


I no longer make resolutions that I write down dutifully and place with the Christmas decorations. Yes, I have dreams of springing out of bed at 7 a.m. to dance at my NIA class, being ready to walk with friends at 8 a.m. at Luscher Farm and not being late for work or doctor appointments. As for the threat of a muffin top figure, I failed the Weight Watchers scale the last time I attended. As a result I do not zap myself on the head like the commercial for V8 and say “I could have had a kale/carrot/celery smoothie.” And I hope to further my technology progress by learning how to text.

My first wish to be timelier is easy to solve, and I have already begun. I set all my clocks a half-hour faster. That is an adjustment of 15 extra minutes to get out of bed, face the dark morning and walk Henry outside in the cold and sometimes the rain. Just writing this is illuminating. Who in their right mind would want to start their day with cleaning up after their dog and sloshing around in the mud? But winter will not last forever, and I am so much better when it is sunny and warm.

Dr. Oz recommends that women should have a waistline that is one-half of their height. Mmmm, seems as though my tape measure is not to be found. Of course I want to be toned, fit and able to climb to top of Mount Hood. I have wishes, and shoulds are not allowed. Funny, did you ever notice how holiday magazines present us with recipes for decadent dark chocolate cookies, filling and fanciful appetizers, followed by sumptuous dinners featuring prime rib, sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes, at least three vegetables swimming in sauces and cheese all photographed in mouthwatering pictures? Then as we saunter up to the checkout after our holiday feasting, we are greeted by pictures of skinny models and the suggested, newest diet to follow. Well, take a look at those models and see their gaunt features, their swan-like necks and fleshless shoulders. If you don’t read the magazines, look at the Ralph Lauren commercials where you can see the entire body clothed in full-length silk dresses and wearing towering fur hats. Look like anyone you know? I doubt it.

I have large silver letters that spell ‘wish’ in my office. Well that is a bit of an exaggeration because this space is more accurately described as my staging room. I write here, sew here and control the papers that otherwise would be scattered around my home. Do I wish for a more organized lifestyle? Of course I do, but I accept that it is not likely that I will achieve perfection in the art of organization. I was consoled by reading a bumper sticker sign stating that people with cluttered minds are creative.

It is challenging to be creative when I do have some technology issues. I stumble and get my fingers on the wrong keys, thus erasing my work. So is it any wonder that I stumble and occasionally beat my desk with my d---- doll. And why would anyone think that I would buy myself the super duper Kindle Fire HDX for Christmas? I have been talking about updating my basic Kindle, which I have not fully mastered by the way, so I won’t be left behind in this world of technology. I have decided to concentrate on learning the secret ways of the Kindle first. I am taking it one small step at a time. Right now I am waiting to pick up my library book “Kindle Book for Dummies.” I don’t like to be referred to as a dummy, but thousands and thousands of people trust the Dummy books, and I strive to graduate from dummy university with honors.

As for the cell phone, I am learning as I go along. I push a button, and I find I have taken a picture. Just the other day after leaving St. Honoré, I spotted some strange looking birds. We walked toward them, and they turned out to be exotic looking roosters. They were silent and walked in circles in front of Peet’s coffee shop. I took a picture, and, by the time you read this, you will probably have seen their picture and read an explanation telling why these roosters were strutting around in beautiful downtown Lake Oswego.

Oh, just thinking about all of these wishes is so energy sapping. It is time for some simple meditation. I need to clear my mind, so I can come with ways to retrieve my girlish waist, develop early morning waking despite the darkness and fog and earn my dummy certificate in technology for seniors.

Joan Waldron is a member of the Lake Oswego Adult Community Center.