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Do you have a clue about what's going on around you?

Mikel KellyI’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that if you are a regular reader of newspapers (either online versions or the kind you can fold up and take with you to the bathroom), you probably have a good idea what’s going on around you. Conversely, of course, if you do NOT pay attention to news, it’s quite likely you don’t know your butt from a hole in the ground.

How do you know which you are? Let’s find out. Let’s have a pop quiz and see how you do. The correct answers will be at the end, but please don’t look. If you cheat, God will know and will strike you with a lightning bolt, and nobody wants that. OK, no talking to your neighbor. Begin.

1. What did TriMet name the new light-rail bridge across the Willamette River that is expected to open in September 2015?

A. Rufus the Fun-Loving Bridge

B. The Abigail Scott Duniway Transit Bridge

C. Tilikum Crossing, Bridge of the People

D. The Most Totally Awesome Bridge in the History of the World Ever

2. Monica Wehby, who opposed state Rep. Jason Conger in the Republican primary for U.S. Senate, wanted all of us to know that, away from politics, she is:

A. a stripper

B. an angel, with the power to fly and grant wishes

C. an Indian chief

D. a doctor

3. A large crowd of people gathered last week at the Oregon State Correctional Institution in Salem to testify on whether what convicted rapist-murderer should be released on parole?

A. Conrad Engweiler

B. John Wayne Gacy

C. Hannibal Lecter

D. Lex Luthora

4. Lake Oswego-area students Matt Stephens, Simon Homedes, Katy Day, Caroline Dorman and Yumi Ito have been standouts in what sport?

A. golf

B. tennis

C. lacrosse

D. cage fighting

5. Adventurers of all ages are invited to join a group formed in 1980 by a Forest Grove farmer when it spends eight days this July in:

A. the 4-H Wagon Train

B. the Great Paintball Re-enactment of Custer’s Last Stand

C. the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus

D. painting the arches of the Fremont Bridge

6. What big company is hiring now for stores it plans to open in Tigard and Sherwood?

A. Neiman Marcus

B. Walmart

C. Apple

D. Pistol Pete’s Porn Palace

7. As of last week, the sports facility formerly known as the Hillsboro Ballpark (home field of the Hillsboro Hops Class A baseball team) shall henceforth be known as:

A. Ron Tonkin Field

B. Guaranty RV Stadium

C. Parr Park

D. The Wilsonville Toyotadome

8. Backers of Ballot Measure 26-156 argued that forming a new water district was needed because:

A. water is rare here

B. somebody peed in the Mount Tabor reservoir

C. water rates have risen 160 percent under the city of Portland’s management

D. the beer lobby doesn’t want us drinking so much water

9. Our little city of Boring has teamed up with what other two burgs to form an alliance of less-than-exciting-sounding towns around the world?

A. Yawnsville, Canada, and Gimmyabreak, S.C.

B. Slow, Sweden, and Totally Bummed, Texas

C. Uninteresting, Brazil, and Monotonous, Mali

D. Dull, Scotland, and Bland, Australia

10. Who is the former newspaperman who now serves as a spokesman for Portland Mayor Charlie Hales? Hint: He was once editor of the Lake Oswego Review.

A. Dwight Jaynes

B. Dana Haynes

C. Tom Berridge

D. Steve Clark

(Answers: 1-C, 2-D, 3-A, 4-B, 5-A, 6-B, 7-A, 8-C, 9-D, 10-B.)

Former managing editor of several community newspapers, including the Woodburn Independent, Lake Oswego Review and the Times papers, Kelly is chief of the central design desk for Community Newspapers and the Portland Tribune, and he contributes a regular column.



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